The Kind of Love Where You Can Be Sure

Puisi Akhir Musim Bunga

I finished writing 31 Days (Nights) of Rain. Apart from some final editing work and feedback from my counterpart who is located halfway across the world, the book is done — a good two years after I decided to write it.

Funnily enough, the thought of writing this book was sparked when I reconnected with tenshi after an absence of about five years. The original post was based on an actual conversation that we had during one of those nights when we decided to make a pit stop at Vintry before making our separate ways home.

Since then tenshi has moved on – he has made a decision about his on-off relationship (it’s on, or maybe it is off again now, I am not sure), he has changed jobs (from red to green), he has stopped smoking (he doesn’t vape, thank God) and he has traded his T3 with a shinier, faster car.

As for me, everything seemed to be at a standstill. Very few things have changed. However, a man did walk into my life, in the most mundane and boring circumstance. He made me want to finish this book and let these stories go so that I would no longer feel beholden to them.

I told the man not too long ago that in living the kind of life that I want, something’s gotta give. Though I have never wanted the house in the suburbs and a loving husband who would cook me paella during weekends and chubby children who would squeal with laughter when I dump them in the bathtub with yellow rubber duckies and boats that float — though none of these were part of the future that I wanted for me — the fact remains that these were not in that future because their existence would mean I would have to walk a completely different path.

I stand by what I said to tenshi. I may not understand how it feels to be overcome by feelings and emotions for another person. But I have seen it — I recognize it. I have been the recipient of it. I have stood by that threshold a thousand times before.

The days pass in a blur looking for
certainty – which season will God bring us
together again?

There is the kind of love out there where you can be sure. I believe.

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Filed under Conversations/Arguments, Ijah's Own Stuff, Special Mentions

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