Local Headlines Are Funnier Than Fiction

I read and watch the news everyday. I do this frequently and religiously, even more so than reading or watching entertainment and gossip pages. The truth is, local news are a lot more entertaining and gossipy. Proof, from recent times, in case under a rock you were living:

1. The launch of the Obedient Wives Club (Kelab Taat Suami)

Obedient Wives Club

Photo credit (c) http://dinglespeaks.com

This is a fringe religious club that grabbed international headlines when it was launched a few weeks ago. The premise is to give lessons (as in actual classroom approach) to wives on how to please their husbands (I take it that “please” refers to stuff of the bedroom nature). Its spokesperson said “…wives should serve their husbands better than a first-class prostitute”. The club has since claimed that their statement was taken out of context. Its director, one Mrs. Fauziah Ariffin clarified:

“I believe we have been misunderstood and misinterpreted. When we said that husbands should treat their wives like first-class prostitutes, we were not putting wives on the same level with prostitutes. We are talking about first-class elite types, not street hooker types.

“Our wives provide men with top-level service. However, ordinary prostitutes can only provide good sex, but not love and affection which only a wife can provide.

“Hence, as wives, we must treat our husbands better. It’s not just in bed, but everything that a wife can offer. Optimise your role. If we provide our husbands more than a prostitute can give, then our husbands will not go out looking for it.”

Fauziah also argued that obedient wives will not cause husbands to take their partner for granted, but in fact, it will make them better husbands.

“When a husband comes home and receives good treatment from the wife, they become better and more loving husbands. Why would they treat their spouse badly if they are treated well?” she said.

(Source: The Malay Mail. Click here for original article)

I am not going to make fun of them. It is just too easy. What’s the fun in that? But if YOU want to have some fun, turn off the safe search or family filter mode of your favourite search engine and use “first class prostitutes” as the search phrase. You will be surprised that the first few photos that come up would be of Mrs. Fauziah.

2. Pekida protests the release of local movies KL Gangster and Kongsi

Pekida is another fringe religious organisation. I call them fringe because I have never heard of them prior to the protest. Why is a fringe religious organisation protesting over local movies? Because Pekida claims that both movies:

[for the benefit of readers that do no speak or read Bahasa Malaysia, my translation is provided in red]

Ketua Ahli Majlis Negeri Pekida Wilayah Persekutuan, Shikin Begum berkata antara dialog dalam kedua-dua filem berkenaan telah menggunakan kata kunci pertubuhan tersebut yang selama ini dianggap rahsia.

Head of the Pekida’s Wilayah Persekutuan State Council, Shikin Begum said that the dialogues contained in both films used secret code words of the organisation.

“Kami melihat filem Kongsi dan yang terbaru ini KL Gangster telah melampaui batas apabila menggunakan kata laluan dan kod rahsia Pekida.

“We see that the film Kongsi, and the latest one KL Gangster stepped over the line by using Pekida’s password and secret codes.

“Kod rahsia berkenaan selalunya digunakan di antara ahli-ahli Pekida dan ia tiada kaitan dengan gengsterisme seperti mana yang dipaparkan dalam kedua-dua filem ini.

“These secret codes are commonly used amongst Pekida members and it had nothing to do with gangsterism as portrayed by both movies.

“Mereka juga telah membuka banyak rahsia Pekida dengan menerbitkan filem bercorak gengster yang sebenarnya hanya memalu dan menjatuhkan martabat bangsa Melayu sendiri,” ujarnya ketika dihubungi mStar Online di sini, Khamis.

“They have also revealed many of Pekida’s secrets by producing a gangster film that only serves to shame and bring down the pride of the Malay race,” she said in an interview with mStar online last Thursday.

(Source mStar Online. Click here for original article)

Okay.

First of all, I didn’t know that Pekida’s secret codes and passwords were used in the movies. Thanks to Pekida, now I know.

Second of all, I didn’t know that these movies revealed secrets of the organisation. These are gangster movies so what secrets were they revealing? That Pekida is a gangster organisation sheeping as an NGO? Is that what Pekida is trying so hard to cover up? Thanks to Pekida, now I know (or at least, now I am interested to know).

Third of all, I didn’t know that calling people “ayahanda” (father), or “abang long” (oldest brother) etc are only permitted amongst Pekida members. Of course, thanks once again to Pekida, oh you know the drill by now.

The icing on the proverbial ridiculous cake was provided when Pekida threatens to bring this all the way up to the Parliament if these movies are not pulled out of the theatres immediately and re-censored. I mean, seriously? All the way to the Parliament? Seriously?

Kongsi and KL Gangster must have portrayed something very accurate, in which case it would be stupid for Pekida to protest coz it gives legitimacy to the movies; or something very fictional as in, you know, the  made-believe stuff that you come up with for movies, in which case it would be stupid for Pekida to protest because it was all made up. You see where this is going? Not all the way to Parliament, I hope.

3. Hacker group tells why it wants to attack Malaysian Govt portal

10 websites blocked by Malaysian Government

10 websites blocked by Malaysian Government graphic (c) Star Graphic 2011

This is a double-bill. A few days ago, the Malaysian Government cracked down and blocked the access to 10 P2P and filesharing networks (see above). This is part of the Government’s effort to combat piracy.

Then, a hacker group that goes by the moniker ANONYMOUS (seriously guys? You can’t come up with a cooler name?) released this statement:

Anonymous, the hacker group that has threatened to attack the Malaysian Government portal, just announced its reasons.

According to its statement on the Pastebin website, the group is acting against what it claims are various acts of censorship by the Malaysian Government, and also because of the recent move to block filesharing sites, like the Pirate Bay, in Malaysia.

Anonymous also accused the Government of censoring movies and television shows, and for restricting the Internet, which it says is a basic human right.

“We fear that if you make further decisions to take away human freedom, we are obligated to act fast and have no mercy,” the group said in its statement on Tuesday.

(Source TheStaronline. Click here for original article)

Okay, combating piracy? Good. Blocking websites? Bad. Mr. Government, you do realize that people with basic typing skills can use their friendly neighbourhood search engine and find ways to circumvent the block and continue filesharing as always, right? That this ban will only slow them down for like, um, 5 seconds?

And okay, fighting for basic human rights? Good. Hacking Malaysian Government portal? Baaaaaaaad. These portals are already slow and useless in their own right, why would you want to hack them to prove a point? Hardly anyone goes to these portals anyway. Hello? Know your audience, Mr. Anonymous. You want the Government to sit up and pay attention to you? Solve the Teoh Beng Hock alleged murder conspiracy theory. I guarantee you will get all the attention you want.

You see now why I love reading and watching the local news?

Advertisements

3 Comments

Filed under Laugh

3 responses to “Local Headlines Are Funnier Than Fiction

  1. Jiji

    Hey Babe,

    HAHAHAHAHAA on no. 2, I was also like DUHH you just spilled your very OWN beans. Orang tak amik pot pun, now we KNOW. Good one! I had a good laugh with Z.

    xxx Ji xxx

  2. Pingback: The Obedient Wives’ Club… | weehingthong

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s