I have this sister. If I had my way, I would have described her in the past tense; but unlike friends, you can’t choose your family.
Anyway, I have this sister. For some reason, whenever we are in a social gathering where she has to introduce me, she would always say that I am her older sister (no complains) and end it with “… and she’s single, heheheheh” with sort of a combination of nervous, apologetic laughter. She did this about 4-5 times before I took her aside and asked her why did she have to reason my existence with the sentence “…. and she’s single, heheheheh”? She responded indignantly that she didn’t know how to introduce me and that was the most interesting thing about me that she could think of.
So I told her to stop.
There are 2 reasons why I bring this up.
Firstly, recently I met a friend whom I haven’t met in about a decade. True to form, one of the very few questions that he mustered during the conversation was “Why don’t you have a boyfriend yet?”. There was no graceful way to answer this kind of question without sounding offended, so I said something about me going out with someone (true) but not having any plans to settle down yet (also true). He gave me one of those pitifully sarcastic side grins which I understood immediately to mean “You poor sad little choosy soul,”
Secondly, today one of my friends got engaged to her longtime beau. It was a lovely ceremony and the pictures were absolutely beautiful and hilarious (PS3 as one of the gifts? Only in the new millennium). As I browsed through the pictures, I found that I was constantly looking up to the TV screen to catch the deleted scenes from Constantine. Eventually I logged off and watched Constantine in full, and when it ended continued with Transformers 2 before deciding to write this blogpost; but not before I posted the note about my 2010 resolution. No drama, no envy, no pangs of jealousy, no me imagining what my engagement party would be like. I was just happy for her; the simple kind of happy like how I feel when it rains, or when I get free coffee refills, or when someone tells me my high heels are impossibly high how on earth could I wear them without toppling all over myself (by walking very very carefully and deliberately).
The point I want to make is this. STOP. There are many reasons why I choose to be single, just as there are many reasons, I am sure, why other people choose to be one half of a couple. I don’t detest marriage. I don’t advocate being single as the choice for everyone. I don’t view couples as an ambition to achieve. I am not one of those girls in Sex and The City. Yes I love the series, and I love the movie and you betcha I will be in line for the second movie next summer but I am not one of them.
I am just someone that actually likes who she is, where she’s at and the kind of relationships that she has with the men in her life. I know that I will continue to encounter these questions and the side grins and the supposedly well-meaning introductions. I’ll live. I am sure if I think hard enough I will find a suitable response that is nice enough to make people feel good about themselves yet firm enough to keep them out of my petticoat.
And that Cartier Love Ring? Don’t worry about it. I bought it myself. And yes I can afford it. And that’s a more interesting story to tell than my being “…single heheheheh”.