It has been an extremely trying day.
I screamed at people for the first time in more than 10 years. The last time I raised my voice was in 1998. I am not even close to kidding.
I said fuck, fucked up, you are fucking kidding me, fuck you more than my fair quota for the decade.
I almost cried. Have you ever been so angry your entire body shook and tears welled up?
Has there even been a day in your life when things are so screwed up over something so silly yet unbelievably beyond your control and completely destructive? A day when there is absolutely nothing you can do or say or pray that would rectify the situation. There is no rectifying, period. Have you had that day? Today is my day.
And so, I give myself Alive, by Mr Children. A reminder. I am still alive. Tomorrow begins in an hour. I can hold on for one more hour.
In an hour I am buying myself a bunch of gerberas. Sip coffee and watch the traffic comes to life. Write a song. Or a blogpost. If I am lucky, maybe it’ll rain. I’ve lost my phone. So it will be a morning all to myself.
In an hour, I am determined to make it a good day. For me. All for me.
I have fucking earned it.