Skinny, Bony *ss


Having a bad day at work? This story will cheer you up.

There was this girl we used to work with. We called her “skinny, bony ass” which was not derogatory coz she really did have skinny, bony ass. For the purpose of this story, we will refer to her as Miss SBA.

Now Miss SBA joined the organisation when we were thick in the middle of restructuring, reorganizing, rebranding and all that shizz. Because the previous consultant, whom we paid close to RM1mil, basically did nothing, my deparment, after which will be referred to as the Furious 8, had to do everything from scratch and understandably, cramming the work for 2 years in the span of 2 months was no chicken feed. We had many long nights, loud arguments, locked carparks (masihkah kau ingat?), MAGGI soup dinners et cetera just trying to meet deadlines – let’s not even talk about trying to do an excellent job out of things. We were relieved just to be able to deliver the name cards with only a couple of days’ delay.

Anyway, from the get go, Miss SBA found it her personal mission to talk smack about Furious 8 with much of her derision directed at me. The problem was, we were so busy we hardly paid her any attention, which seemed to irk her even more.

Initially we were amused with her spin. Her ability to make even the mundanest things evil and vicious was award-worthy. Sometimes we referred to her as our best friend. I mean, Miss SBA talked about us so much she might as well be.

Then we got agitated. Her stories grew to be more and more outlandish as time passed; some of the things  she claimed happened never even took place. But after a while we agreed that the only way to cure her was to get her laid and we could not find anyone who’d volunteer for the job. Not even the person in our department whom we referred to as the Slut. So we accepted the fact that there was nothing we could do about her and left it at that. Our mantra was, it’s okay, with the kind of lives we live, we probably needed the good karma anyway.

Anyway, eventually Furious 8 broke up as we explored different opportunities.

So what happened to Miss SBA? Suddenly she found herself with nothing and no one to bitch about. When you spent your entire career based on the premise that you make other people look bad so that you look good, someday you will have to put your money where your mouth is. That was exactly what happened. Miss SBA had to work for her salary. No more leeching off the Furious 8 train.

First, all her staff left. Then, she was  told to choose to join either department A or B because her department would be disbanded.  Imagine how embarassing it was for her – a head of department  in the headquarters – asked to join another department because hers was considered redundant. She could not even defend her existence.

The nail on the coffin? She was eventually transferred out of the headquarters and sent to a branch. To do what no one exactly knows but this ‘transfer’ thing is a common and well-known ploy by the company to persuade affected staff to leave. The moment the word of her transfer was out, everyone knew she’s done with.

I don’t know if she has some hidden tricks under her sleeves to save her skinny, bony ass. We chose our own paths. Like dominoes, you plot, you plan, you scheme and you arrange your own blocks to arrive at a grand design. Or not.

Guess someone forgot to tell her that causality is a mean but fair bitch.

Remember this story the next time someone at work talks smack about you, or spreads rumours, or just  being a plain mean poseur. Someday s/he too will get her/his payback. You don’t have to do anything, just ignore the mofo and get on with your life. They’re not the kind of people you want to keep in your friends or social circle anyway.

Don’t you love stories with morals?


Filed under Go Grr...

3 responses to “Skinny, Bony *ss

  1. PC Ng

    Ha ha. Of course I remember the ‘locked carpark’ incident. And the major hammering we got a few hours after in our stoned, lack of sleep condition. I will never (and I can safely say NEVER) forget it. It will go down in history. Ha ha.

  2. ..and I gave you money for taxi fare too…. hahahaha see, taxis are useful.

  3. PC Ng

    Desperate situation, desperate measure. I could have made a few calls but a woman must save herself sometimes :)

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