I Was Roasted

This originally appeared on Killing Time 1.0 on 22 November 2006

It has been a great week. Sure, the rain may dampen a lot of spirits but for me it is like love is in the air (oi,  metaphorically speaking). The new job is fun, funny and is making me fall in love with what I do all over again. Now, if only I can get out of the golf thing………… *long  sigh*

Anyway, without naming names, a few days ago while trying to waste a Saturday afternoon, I browsed through my Friendster’s Friends list and looked for profiles that listed those dinosour rock bands from the 80’s and college circuit rock bands of early 90’s under Favourite Music. Why? Partly thanks to one Mister Chris Cornell (how I ended up watching James Bond frolicking semi naked in the Carribean is one story I rather not explain) and the other part to YouTube, my interest in rock music and infatuation with Japanese superbands was renewed. So, I busily looked for Goo Goo Doll’s ‘Better Days’ and ‘Stay With You’ (long live open source) pausing only to stare open-mouthed at the disgustingly talented Sakurai’s  rendition of Shirushi (special note to Awa: it is muy excelente. ¡Sé hablar español! It’s exhausting to like them/him this much!). And while all these were going on, I decided to fill the seconds in between with reading other people’s profiles. And, this is how I ended up getting an earful from a stranger.

Let’s call this stranger X. X has an interesting photo travelogue.  A hint: think of the garden gnome in Amelie, or the famous Bert is Evil spoof a few years back.

So, I sent X this message (a faithful reproduction although the names have been changed to protect the innocent): <name deleted>’s cute. Reminds me of the garden gnome from Amelie.

The next day, X replied: <name deleted> would’ve typed this himself … But he had a busy weekend, so he’s still snoring at home … He asked me to say thanks for the nice words … Cheers .. :)

So. X has a sense of humour. You thought that would be the end of it? Hah. This compulsive typist just had to poke further. X lists the following in the profile (in the interest of preserving X’s copyright, I only reproduce part of the list)

Fav Movies: How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days, Pulp Fiction, Trainspotting, High Fidelity
Fav Music: U2, Justin Timberlake, Babyface and Peter Pan
Fav Shows: CSI, Friends and Smallville

Now, me being the elitist that I am could not resist sending X my comment: How can you like How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days and Pulp Fiction at the SAME time? It’s like saying Julio Iglesias is equivalent to Pink Floyd. Not in THIS universe. Maybe <name deleted> can teach you a thing or two about cinema noir. Non? Rgds, ~IA

And, ladies and gentlemen, imagine my amusement when I read X’s reply: So , does that mean since I enjoy Pulp Fiction / Reservior Dogs / Snatch … I can’t watch and enjoy romantic comedies like Jerry McGuire / How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days / Love Actually … ? I can’t watch summer blockbusters like X-Men / Star Wars / Casino Royale … ? I can’t watch cartoons such as Shrek / Finding Nemo / Wallace & Gromit … ? I can’t watch classics like Breakfast At Tiffany’s / Ben Hur / Apocalypse Now … ?

Just because I listen to Foo Fighters / U2 / GreenDay … I can’t listen and appreciate pop acts like Aguilera / Beyonce / Orrico … ? I can’t listen to RnB like Mary J Blige / Babyface / R Kelly … ? I can’t listen to dance like Usher / Jamiroquai / Moby … ? I can’t appreciate 80s music like Duran Duran / Spandau Ballet / INXS … ? I can’t listen to Indon bands like PeterPan / Dewa / Sheila on 7 … ? I can’t listen to classics like Sinatra / Bocelli / Ray Charles … ?

I don’t need anyone to tell me what I can or cannot watch / listen to …

To me , if someone is too closed minded to appreciate and enjoy variety and diversity … it’s his / her loss … not mine …

Regards …

My oh my. I am guessing here but I think the diatribe was written in extreme agitation and annoyance. And to my shame, instead of feeling remorseful, I laughed.

In my defense, I am blaming it on the rain. And I did send an apology though I was smiling broadly when I did so I don’t think it came out sincere. Probably not. Aih. You can’t win them all. I must watch Austin Powers again coz am losing my mojo, baby.

But this has been a great week. And the roast, in whatever spirit it was intended, made my day so all’s well. I think there is a moral in here somewhere but I am too old to care.

In case I get sued by X, my privacy policy and disclaimer applies!

Bonus round: I’ll take you to an expensive and super lavish dinner if you can figure out who X is.

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ADDENDUM

From Merriam-Webster:

Main Entry: roast

Pronunciation: ‘rOst

Function: verb

Etymology: Middle English rosten, from Anglo-French rostir, of Germanic origin; akin to Old High German rOsten to roast

transitive verb

1 a : to cook by exposing to dry heat (as in an oven or before a fire) or by surrounding with hot embers, sand, or stones <roast a potato in ashes> b : to dry and parch by exposure to heat <roast coffee beans>

2 : to heat (inorganic material) with access of air and without fusing to effect change (as expulsion of volatile matter, oxidation, or removal of sulfur from sulfide ores)

3 : to heat to excess <roasted by the summer sun>

4 : to subject to severe criticism or ridicule <films have been roasted by most critics — H. J. Seldes>

5 : to honor (a person) at a roast

intransitive verb

1 : to cook food by heat
2 : to undergo being roasted

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