Hari Raya came and went. For me, it was a chance to catch up on my sleep and play a lot of spider solitaire. I still haven’t been able to start Final Fantasy X or X-2. Ita has been very encouraging and convinced me that it will take me less than 30 hours to finish each game as long as I am religious about levelling up — but I haven’t found the courage and strength to start. Playing Final Fantasy is a gruelling and taxing experience that will easily rob me of time and sleep without me even noticing it. I weighed that against the fact that I already accumulated a huge sleep debt and decided to spend the holidays in bed instead.
In the month of November alone, I wrote 4 Malay songs. It was a pleasant experience. I sampled and played around with some melodies that I have had at the back of my mind and found that they could be re-worked with Malay lyrics. And so I did. I have uploaded two of them but haven’t gotten around to recording the other two because my microphone went dead. The two new songs were named ‘Puisi Akhir Musim Bunga’ and [The End], the latter being in English because I couldn’t find a better title for it and when I wrote it I was thinking of the last song line in Surrender… which was “The End”. Someday I may come up with a better, more suitable title but at the moment it will stay as [The End].
Puisi Akhir Musim Bunga is the title of a lovely poem by a prolific young writer who actively wrote and submitted poems to one of those more ‘cerebral’ magazines when I was a teenager. I have no idea if he/she still writes but I can remember the poem, or at least I can remember the feelings that the poem evoked. I also “stole” two phrases in the chorus from a song called Cinta Abadi written by the late Esham Jamil from the group Rausyanfikir. A couple of days ago Loyo and Milo came over and we tried playing the songs. Loyo suggested that I change the chords to this song a little bit because it sounds like the typical Malay song and I laughed out loud. I take that as a compliment. It is a typical Malay song, I suppose. Even the title and parts of the lyrics were taken from actual Malay poem and song that someone else had written.
[The End] is a simple song about closing a chapter in your life and moving on. The message might not come out very well because when I was writing it, I found myself trying to rationalise why things happened the way they did. I do that a lot, miscommunicating or muddling the things that I wanted to say halfway through saying it. What I really wanted to say in the song was that sometimes hurtful and mean things were said and done, whether unintended or otherwise. But the more difficult part was not trying to understand these actions, it was recognising and accepting that it was over with calm and grace. Has anyone ever been able to be graceful at that point of time when you realised that it’s the end? I have never been able to do so. All I could remember was anger and confusion and saying the word ‘stupid’ a lot. What I hated more was when people keep on asking me why, why, why. If I had known why, I wouldn’t have been in this mess at the first place, would I? And what I hated most is when the witchunt starts to find something or someone to blame. It’s over, okay? I was hurt too. But it’s over. O.V.E.R. The End.